Monday, April 2, 2012

Infomercial

Hi.  I'm Hyacinth Throttlebottom.  I'm here today to talk to you about pronunciation.  Specifically, how to properly pronounce composer's names.

Do you feel inadequate in symphonic situations?  Does your inability to pronounce composer's names cause you undue embarrassment?  Do you ever wish that you could feel confident and knowledgeable with other concertgoers?  Does it seem like you are the only one mispronouncing Brahms, Handel and Liszt?  Well, stop worrying!  I'm here to help.  With my five week at home course, you will gain all of the experience needed to speak intelligently and confidently with the orchestral population.

In week one you will learn that not all composers were American or English.  Many of them were from other countries, and therefore, their language tells us how to pronounce their names.  For example, Richard Strauss was German, so we can't just call him Rich, he's 'Reeckart Schtrouss'.  Similarly, the French composers Frederick Chopin and Claude Debussy require some French pronunciation.  Hence:  'Freederick Showpan' and 'Clawd Dubyusseee'.  To make matters worse, even English or American composers have names that are often descended from the Old World, making them at times a bit confusing.  I mean, really!  Who hasn't been ashamed at their lack of pronunciation power when talking about the music of John Corigliano?  ('Core-lee-ahno')

This is why Hukt on Fonix doesn't work!  The word phonetic isn't, and dialect and language have specific and contrasting rules!

In the subsequent weeks of the 5 week course, we go on a tour of world, composer style.  We will see why Mozart is pronounced 'Moat-zart', Beethoven is 'Bait-oh-ven', Richard Wagner is 'Reeckart Vahgner', Hector Berlioz is 'Hektor Bear-lee-ohz' and the always baffling Antonin Dvorak is 'Antonin DVOR-zhahk'.

But that's not all!  Call now and I'll include your very own "Guide to Pronouncing the Great Works of Art by the Great Sometimes-Hard-to Properly-Pronounce Composers"!  This invaluable resource will take you through many great works, including Verdi's Aida, an enormous operatic masterpiece with a short name: 'Eye-EE-Duh'.

Call now and I'll throw in this adorable plush Igor Stravinsky (Eegore Strawveenski)!  He's
just "Rite for Spring"!!  HAHAHA!!!  Don't delay, call today!!

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