Open wide

I've written about my favourite musical already (see the"Feed Me" post).  In honor of a great show, today, if you'll indulge me, I would like to perform a selection from The Little Shop of Horrors.

**Ahem**Ahem**

**haaack!  cough! sputter!!**

CUE THE MUSIC!  *60s style doo-wop, with back up singrrrss!*

When I was younger, just a bad little kid.
My mama noticed funny things that I did.
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun,
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done.
I'd find a pussy cat and bash in its head!
That's when my mama said:

(Backup singrrrs) What did she say?

She said "My boy, I think someday you'll
find a way
to make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentiiiist!
*smacks bystander in the face*
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentiiiiiiiiist!!
*throws hot coffee at barista*
People will pay you to be inhumane!
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthooood,
and teaching would suit you still less!
Son, be a dentiiiiiiiiist!
You'll be a success!!

*casually trips little old, lady.  HAHAHAHA!*

(Backup gals) Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!  Oh my God!
He's a dentist and he'll never, ever be any good.
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?

(Hapless, unsuspecting patient, strapped to the chair)  Oh, that hurts!  I'm not numb!

Oh, shut up, open wide!  Here I come!!
*stabs gleefully at patient's teeth*
I'll be your de-entiiiiiiist!
And I enjoy the career that I picked!

I am your de-entiiiiiiist!
*knees patient in the groin*
And I get off on the pain I inflict!

I thrill when I drill a bicuspiiiid!
It's swell, though they tell me I'm mal-ad-justed!
And though it may cause my patients distress
*yanks patient from underneath the desk, plops him back down in the chair*
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know that my mama's proud of me!

*dances The Bird down stage right*

Cuz I am a dentiiiiiist!  And a success!

*shimmies back over to patient, holding a large drill*

Say "AH!"

*jazz hands*

Song by Alan Menken 1982

 P.S. No actual puppies, guppies, cats, baristas, little old ladies, bystanders, or dental patients were harmed in the writing of this post.